Ah, Walter Young.  The man with the highest Body Mass Index of any player in the history of Major League Baseball.  Where is he now?  Playing semipro ball, perhaps.  Finishing up his bachelor’s degree, maybe.  It doesn’t matter.  He spent one month in “The Show” with the woebegone, partially Lee Mazzilli-managed ’05 Orioles, during which time [...]

Hey, just a dude.  Currently got this 1 BR 1 BA apt and my roommate moved out a couple weeks ago.  He and I had some creative differences u feel me? We got in a couple of fights n he was always havin colds n flus n I couldnt deal with his sorry ass anymore. [...]

Oh, to be someone else.  The Old Long Johnson cat, maybe.  He got his fifteen minutes of fame and wasn’t borne to the ground by the crushing weight of his hideous, inexplicable adipose tissue in the process.  Have you seen how I walk?  How I play?  I can’t even ascend the stairs, for crying out loud. I’m [...]

Bomb threats had been out of vogue for some time. Only minor thugs with bad imaginations – too many hours of Die Hard reruns and not enough love as a child – would stoop to something as pedestrian as phoning in “a blast.” Such enervated acts of terror were yawns, handled by a single old [...]

Carlton Suede is about to dunk the ball. Without an ounce of grace — his mutt of a mother used to call him “our clubfooted son” — he is rising through the lower ether. Above the marshmallow-thick white soles, higher than the tense, ribbed socks, surpassing even the shiny mesh culottes of his despairing opponents. [...]